The Unseen Battle

Monday mornings are usually predictable for me. I sit down with my breakfast, switch on the TV, and immerse myself in a drama series after the chaos of the weekend to sit silently for 30 mins is a dream. But today was different. I decided to watch a TED Talk, and what I stumbled upon left me shaken—in the best way possible. For nearly the entire talk, I sat there crying, feeling understood.

ADHD is so massively misunderstood. It’s not just about being forgetful or overly energetic; it’s a complex, multifaceted condition that shapes every part of your life. Although I haven’t been officially diagnosed, I know deep down that I live with it. The signs are all there—my constant search for dopamine hits, the endless flood of ideas, the inability to focus, and the overwhelming emotional highs and lows.

The ADHD Mind: A Daily Struggle

Living with ADHD feels like there’s a constant battle in your mind. On one side, there’s the part of you that’s bursting with energy and ideas, ready to take on a million projects at once. On the other side, there’s the critical voice telling you to slow down, follow the rules, and fit into the mold society has set for you. It’s exhausting.

ADHD isn’t just a quirky personality trait; it’s a daily struggle. Every small interaction, every comment from someone else—positive or negative—sticks with you. You can’t shake it off. It hits your heart and stays there. The sensitivity to other people’s reactions is overwhelming, and the desire to be better or to fit in is constantly at odds with the chaos in your mind.

The Cycle of Criticism and Doubt

Growing up, I was labeled "lazy" and "messy." I was called "Scruffy Sarah," and those words stuck with me. But here’s the truth: I am far from lazy or scruffy. My mind is constantly racing, filled with a million business ideas, strategies to improve my productivity, and creative projects I want to execute. I’m always thinking about ways to optimise my time and do more. Yet, when I leave that cup on the counter or forget to finish a task, it’s not because I don’t care or I’m doing it on purpose—it’s because my mind has already moved on to the next thing.

The reality of ADHD is that if something doesn’t excite or stimulate me—like sitting in a long, relentless meeting or tackling a mundane task—it’s incredibly hard to stay engaged. To others, it might look like I’m not trying or that I don’t care, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, people with ADHD often become overachievers, working twice as hard to fit in and prove their worth. You push yourself relentlessly, juggling multiple projects and striving to meet everyone’s expectations. But this constant effort to keep up with the world’s demands is utterly exhausting. You’re always trying to outdo yourself, but no matter how much you achieve, the criticisms still linger.

ADHD in Motherhood and Midlife

Motherhood amplified everything. The lack of sleep, the endless tasks, and the emotional weight of raising children feels unbearable at times. And just when I thought I couldn’t handle more, along came perimenopause, throwing another curveball into the mix. The combination of hormonal shifts and ADHD is brutal, making the chaos in my mind even harder to manage.

Despite all this, I’ve sought out ways to help myself. I’ve turned to self-help books, mindset shifts, and even practices like Reiki and natural healing. While these tools bring moments of calm, they don’t quiet the relentless noise in my head. My mind is always on overdrive, always seeking, always moving.

The Need for Understanding and Compassion

What I’ve realised is this: ADHD is deeply misunderstood, not just by society but often by those of us who live with it, especially when it’s undiagnosed. We’re told to conform, to focus, to “just get on with it.” But ADHD doesn’t work like that. It’s a constant push and pull, a relentless battle that most people never see.

Watching that TED Talk today reminded me that I’m not alone. There are others out there who understand this struggle, who feel this overwhelming chaos yet keep pushing forward.

If you’re someone who resonates with this—whether you’re diagnosed or suspect you have ADHD—know this: you are not broken. You’re not lazy or incapable. You’re fighting a battle most people will never understand, and that makes you incredibly strong. Keep seeking, keep learning, and most importantly, keep being unapologetically you. ❤️

Martha Barnard-Rae ADHD in Girls and Women Ted Talk